The year 2023 has been an exceptionally busy year for me. I wrote about one of the reasons for my busyness last year in this blog post. Thus, at the start of 2024, I decided that I will take things slower this year. I want to give myself more opportunities to rest and recharge. I’ve decided that one of the best ways for me to do this is by going on a retreat.
I searched and checked possible retreat options. One of the options I came across with was the Midlife Spirituality Retreat: Growing Towards Wholeness by the Cenacle Sisters. It was an overnight retreat in Quezon City. I informed my husband with my decision and I paid for my retreat.
I believe that investing in my wellness is not just helpful for me, but also for my family. Just like what we often hear, “We cannot pour from an empty cup.” I’m grateful that my husband supported my decision. He even drove for me going to the retreat house and fetched me as well.
What I Loved About the Retreat
Let me share some of what I loved or liked in this retreat.
First, I loved that it gave me a change of environment even for a weekend. It was a relief not to have to decide on the menu for our household that weekend. I didn’t even have to think of what I will eat that weekend. Someone else did this for me. I didn’t have to think about what the kids are doing or I didn’t have to monitor or supervise them. I can simply focus on myself and my needs.
Second, I had ample time to pause, introspect and reflect on my life (my past, present and future). In the chaos and noise of running a household, peace and quiet is hard to find. It was not only a change of environment for me. I was transported to a place where silence and stillness is the norm. I could listen to the inner workings of my being more. I could hear God’s voice more clearly.
Third, I loved that the retreat provided a safe place for my fellow retreatants and me to share our thoughts, challenges and insights about midlife. I got to meet other people who were also at midlife and seeking direction and answers. I got to talk to people who understands what I am going through or with whom I can share openly about my thoughts and feelings about midlife. I got to discuss midlife from the perspective of Christianity where aging or growing old is not seen negatively, but as a blessing. Where authenticity and vulnerability are not frowned upon but celebrated. Where the decision to slow down and to prioritize other things and not your career are understood and supported.
Fourth, I had more time to rest not just my body, mind, heart and spirit. There were no chores to think of or do. There were no relationships that I needed to take responsibility for. There were no to-do lists to think of or weigh me down. I was just there to be with God, our facilitator and with my fellow retreatants.
Fifth, I had time to commune with nature. The retreat house has gardens where we were able to spend some quiet time. It was refreshing to listen to the sound of flowing water or the sound of the birds in a quiet environment. I can also hear the sound of the birds in our home, especially in the morning. Yet, this is easily drowned by the noise in our neighborhood or the sound of my boys once they are awake and active.
Sixth, I enjoyed the food at the retreat house. The food was both delicious and healthy.
Last but not the least, I liked that our facilitator shared not just spiritual perspectives about midlife. The retreat was facilitated by Sr. Ana Malapitan, RC who has been conducting this retreat for years.
This enlightening experience not only deepened my understanding of this pivotal life stage. It also empowered me to navigate its complexities with renewed faith and courage. Through this blog post, I hope to share some of the profound insights I gained during this retreat and how they have enriched my journey through midlife.
The Paradox of Wholeness and Diminishment
One of the central themes explored during the retreat was the paradox of being called to wholeness while simultaneously confronting our own diminishment. At midlife, we are often urged to integrate our experiences and seek a sense of completeness and meaning. However, this quest for wholeness is met with the reality of aging, loss, and the constraints of our physical and emotional capacities. This polarity can be challenging, but it also opens pathways to profound spiritual growth and acceptance.
The Many Changes of Midlife
Midlife is a season of significant change, especially for women. These changes can be manifold and multifaceted, encompassing various aspects of life:
- Physical Changes: The onset of perimenopause and menopause (wrote about this in my previous blog post), changes in energy levels, the visible signs of aging or experiencing sickness.
- Emotional Shifts: A heightened sense of introspection, reassessment of life’s purpose, and dealing with unresolved emotional baggage or conflicts.
- Career Transitions: Shifts in career focus, the desire for more meaningful work, coping with job loss or retirement or pursuing previous or childhood dreams and goals. As Sr. Ana shared, in the first half of life, there is more emphasis in doing. In the second half of life, it is more on being and becoming.
- Family Dynamics: Children growing more independent or leaving home, becoming caregivers for aging parents, parents dying, siblings getting sick, or adjusting to an empty nest.
- Personal Identity: Reevaluating one’s identity and roles, often moving from being primarily defined by external roles to a more internal sense of self.
These changes can create a whirlwind of emotions and require a recalibration of one’s life and priorities.
The Crisis of Limits
A poignant aspect of midlife is the “crisis of limits” – the stark realization that there are boundaries to what we can achieve and control. There are 5 Crises of Limits mentioned by Sr. Ana. The Crisis of Unfinished Business, the Crisis of Body Changes, the Crisis of Affectivity, the Crisis of Ministry/Career and the Crisis of Sexuality & Intimacy.
These crises may happen simultaneously or one after the other. The crisis can manifest as a feeling of being trapped or limited by circ*mstances, leading some to experience what is commonly known as a midlife crisis. We were asked to reflect what specific crisis or crises we are experiencing at this time in our lives and how to best handle or go through them.
This period of questioning and upheaval, though challenging, is also an invitation to grow in humility and wisdom. It encourages us to embrace our limitations with grace and to find peace in what is rather than what could be. Or more importantly, what we truly want for ourselves or for our lives.
Transition, Uncertainty, and Ambiguity
Midlife is inherently a time of transition, uncertainty, and ambiguity. The retreat highlighted the importance of embracing these elements rather than resisting them. Transitions, while often uncomfortable, are fertile grounds for personal and spiritual development. They compel us to face the unknown and can lead to profound insights and new directions.
Sr. Ana encouraged us to see midlife not as a problem, but as a stage in our lives where we are called to deepen our faith and trust in God. By letting go of the need for certainty, we open ourselves to the mysteries of life and the divine plan unfolding uniquely for each of us.
Letting Go Graciously and Facing Challenges with Courage and Faith
One of the most empowering lessons from the retreat was the practice of letting go graciously. Midlife often requires us to release old patterns, roles, and expectations that no longer serve us. This process of letting go can be painful. However, it is essential for spiritual growth and renewal.
Facing the challenges of midlife with courage and faith in God was a recurring theme throughout the retreat. Sr. Ana emphasized that by trusting in God’s plan and remaining open to the transformative power of faith, we can navigate this stage with greater resilience and grace. Letting go graciously involves honoring what we are releasing, acknowledging the pain of loss, and trusting that this process is making way for new beginnings, deeper connections and growth towards wholeness.
Conclusion
Attending the Spirituality of Midlife retreat with the Cenacle Sisters was a deeply enriching experience that offered invaluable insights into the paradoxes and transitions of midlife. It provided a sacred space to explore the changes, uncertainties, and challenges of this stage, and equipped us with the tools to face them with courage and faith. I recommend this to other individuals, male and female alike, who are now in midlife.
Most of the participants wished that the retreat was longer. We felt we needed more time to reflect and share. Sr. Ana told us that the retreat is just an event that will jumpstart our period of introspection and integration to wholeness. That we need to keep on finding time to make sense of our life experiences.
It certainly is difficult to find time for reflection in our hectic lives. Still, we owe it to ourselves to make time for peace and quiet and reflection. There is no point rushing in life if we are heading in the wrong direction or if we are not happy with how things are. So, I encourage you, dear readers, if you feel the need to pause, give yourself the gift of pause. If you need to make adjustments in your life, do so.
My hope at this time of my life is that I would be more open and courageous to God’s will in my life. I hope and pray that in the same way that I have lived a faithful and fruitful first half, I would also have a fruitful second half and that I would finish strong, still faithful to God.
As I continue on my midlife journey, I carry with me the lessons learned and the profound sense of community and support I found at the retreat. Embracing the spirituality of midlife is not about having all the answers. It’s more about remaining open to the ongoing process of growth and transformation, trusting in the divine guidance that accompanies us every step of the way.
